I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
