you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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