You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
