you would pick up someone in the library
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
