Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
