idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
