I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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