Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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