Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
