What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
