Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They have beer where we have blood.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I see more hoeing in ur future
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