Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
