Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
