We named our party play list daddy issues
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
