i permit you to call me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
