I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
