wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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