I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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