I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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