Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
