Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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