he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
