I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
