Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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