My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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