I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
