And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize