You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
