Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Randomize
