When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
