If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
