Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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