I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
