one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
