I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
