I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
