yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she smelled like a LAN party
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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