Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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