the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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