hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
