every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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