I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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