Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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