we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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