I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Come see our sink grown plant.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
