So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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