Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
