And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
