She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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