I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
