The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
