I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
