In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
