i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
