I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize