Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
