Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I believe in your delicious
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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