I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
