The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I would fuck him just for his dog
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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