I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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