Your mouth is God's brothel.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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