The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
