What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
