A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
