He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
