There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
