I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
