My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
