just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
