Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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