Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
