when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
